When Mother's Day is difficult...

Thinking of those for whom this day is difficult for ANY reason.

Ours had due dates but never birthdays.

We never met any of them. The first one was the only one we shortlisted names for - we didn't let ourselves hope for the others - I think the loss of such a joyful hope and expectation is one of the hardest parts.

And when we lost them we didn't name them and we didn't see what there was left of them.

And the first - still the most shocking and at the oldest gestation - would be nine now.

A little person with a distinct personality, running about, learning, growing, discovering.

Our friends had a baby just after our first was due...I was so glad they didn't suffer what we did, but every time I see their lovely little one I always wonder;

Would our children be friends?
How different would they be?

How great it would have been to share the journey at the same time with a friend... It's always a stark reminder of how different things could have been...

Grateful for what I do have, always grateful, whilst acknowledging the harder times for myself and others.

Remember - grief isn’t something you fix or heal, it is something you honour.

[thank you to Addison Brasil for that reminder, and his wonderful book on grief]